About a month ago, shortly after my wife confirmed her pregnancy and started reading up on her foetus’ development inside of her, she suddenly quipped one night that the little life force growing inside of her, if male, will have his scrotum developing on the head and eventually moving down to the front pelvic area as he develops.
Yes, she thinks that our balls grow on our foreheads, and then the little sacks that could would move down like an elevator of manhood as we got closer to coming out so we don’t look like ridiculous nut-heads.
Of course I scoffed at the idea, but she said it with such conviction and earnest, it really would make a man suspect if his forehead is really so much more offensive than previously believed.
Yesterday, she finally proved her claim (somewhat) with a very proud and triumphant “See? I told you!” whilst digging out her printouts to show me. To quote a couple of lines from the offending article:
“…If it’s a boy, the genitals are distinct and recognizable…”
Week Twenty Two
“…If your baby is male his testes begin their descent to the scrotum…”
What the…?! Distinct at where?! Descent from where?!
Based on these vague statements, coupled with my wife’s very active imagination and the result of one too many ill-conceived B-grade horror movies featuring villains, animals and monsters suffering from gross disfiguring, we may now assume the following conclusions for the plight of male behaviour:
- Scratching your forehead is now a lewd act.
- Slapping your forehead may be detrimental to your sexual health.
- Pimples on your forehead is a sign of herpes.
- The hair on your head should also be considered pubic hair.
- “Dickhead” could well be considered a literal term applying to all men, depending on whether the location of the entire genital organ in its first developments can be based on where your balls started growing.
Say it isn’t so.