The Dating Game (Singapore Edition)

It is mankind’s perpetual quest, and the animal kingdom’s basest and yet most important of instincts; finding a mate. And in our 65,000 years of existence, you’d think we’d have gotten this basic instinct down pat. But how is it that such a large part of us find ourselves so adept at being unintentionally single?

Singaporean men in particular are at an acute disadvantage. I am sure some of my international readers might start saying no, it’s Hong Kongers, or Thais, or whatever other exotic romantically challenged Asian male population of dicks would top that bill, but bear with me. I’ve only ever dated one guy (unintentionally), and he was Singaporean (and also gay, which makes him unqualified for mention here), so I seriously wouldn’t know how the others rate.

But I digress.

The problem with being a guy in Singapore is that girls in Singapore will realize upon maturity that in essence, we turn out to be as interesting and as riveting in conversation as my secondary school Physics teacher who had to tote around a boombox and mic to be heard in the back row of a 20-student class, and once cried in class when no one was paying attention (true story). The really eligible women in Singapore just aren’t looking inland, because who wants locally farmed chickens when you can have Angus steak, you know?

I’m not saying our women are the problem, though. On the contrary, WE are all the problem. Singapore culture dictates a strict set of rules, both spoken and unspoken, one of the biggest and most adhered to being that “Rules are to be adhered”. Singaporean men are so straightlaced and obedient that no one takes risks with anything or anyone (including themselves) for fear of trouble, rejection, failure and embarrassment. The biggest problem with this mindset in the scope of the dating arena is that dating encompasses all of these traits, and in force. Every time a man approaches a woman for a date, whether it be a stranger or someone he knows, there is potential for trouble. Every time a woman replies, rejection is almost always a possibility. Every time a guy goes on a date, risk of failure far outweighs success. And every time a guy opens his mouth, he opens himself to embarrassment.

The point is, dating is a very delicate 2-way process, much like making babies (which dating, if the process succeeds, should lead to). Who’s to say the woman isn’t feeling the exact same sentiments when embarking on a date with a man, and if that truly is the case, why are Singaporean women’s success rate of getting laid so much higher than their male counterparts (besides the obvious fact that they are much much better looking and have boobs)?

Another thing: Singapore has conditioned her men to have such exacting standards in life (salaries have to be so much, cars have to have such engine power and so much boot space, things MUST be done only in a certain way so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and progress for our nation) that inevitably that same perfectionist attitude gets reflected into the way we choose our friends and potential life partners.

Before the Singaporean man has even stepped into the game, he’s already jotted down his preferences and expectations into a Powerpoint presentation, created flowcharts of his perfect woman and organisational structure of his future family plans. As it is, the global male population is falling behind the female headcount; it’s not like you’re bloody spoilt for choice as it is, and worse still, the own women in your country have stopped buying local brands and are shopping for imports. You STILL want to be choosy?

I know, some of you will have watched enough Animal Planet and National Geographic to say, “Hey, pandas are picky about who they mate with, why shouldn’t we? And spiders eat their lovers.” To that I say, hey. Pandas have nitpicked their way into the endangered species list, and female spiders are bitches, so stop comparing yourself to eight legged freaks, get your ass off the cable TV and please go get some sunlight and meet some people.

Of course, I’m not saying go pick any permed-hair auntie with black calf-length leggings and a Northeast CDC Walk ‘N’ Jog t-shirt off the street and make wild passionate love to her, but how do you really know what is right for you if you’ve never taken the time (and the risk) to find out?

The average Singaporean woman is the stuff of dreams for so many people outside this sunny island set in the sea. They’re smart, family-oriented souls that are not unattractive and not afraid to try stuff out. And they almost always get their man. So what is it they can do that Singaporean men can’t? And with such wonderful pickings for a fulfilling lifelong partnership, what can possibly be holding you back?

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