I’m giving myself 2 months.
I originally intended for this website to showcase my portfolio and creative writing samples. I gave it a lot of thought (and about US$20 budget); played with domain names and prefix variations (konstrukt.me would be the landing page, while de.konstrukt.me would be a collection of blog posts I’ve done over the years, and re.konstrukt.me would be the graphic design portfolio).
And then, having tendered my resignation last August and posting out a lot of resumes, I got my first job interview almost a month later.
My world would come crashing down during that interview.
It was a good interview, to be honest. I spent an hour and a half with the director of the company going through my resume, my reasons for leaving my current job, my portfolio. He told me he was able to envision me doing work for the company – just not the work they had advertised for. I was able to tell through his perusing my portfolio on my own laptop screen that I didn’t have the chops for entering any creative field, even though I knew how to use the software. The words he used to confirm it: “I don’t think I can put you in a designer position with us.”
Throughout the interview, he seemed really hopeful for me to join his company, but the question that was left hanging was, as what? My resume was too diverse to pin me into any one position, and I was good enough for all of them to work, but not good enough in any of them to advance; the proverbial jack of all trades, master of none.
My own bosses would give me advice in the hopes of keeping my hopes up and “doing it right”. But they would always add, the problem with me is, I’m good at the get-go, but lose steam when I’m at the home stretch. That line, repeated again and again, from the different mouths of people who have lived with or worked with me, was ultimately what devastated me, because I knew they were right.
It is quite evident now that I’m no longer using this site to help me showcase my work (any prospective employer looking at this job candidate’s writing sample would cross out my resume after reading that last paragraph). Instead, I’m going to try putting my life into perspective through my writing, digging out stories of my past in a bid to find out what it is exactly that I was meant to do. and for all I know, that calling I’m looking for might just turn out to be… writing. But I’m not going to jump the gun.
I’m giving myself 2 months.
I told my wife, this is something I want to do properly. Plan out my writing, schedule my posts, put images into my articles, make sure I’m good and ready to churn out something I can at least be proud of reading myself. And most importantly, I need to find myself. And if you’re reading this, I’m gonna really need your help too.
Please, let me know you’re reading this, or anything else that comes up here in the future. I know I’m doing it for myself, I am a sucker for reassurance and words of encouragement. So if writing really is supposed to be my path to happiness, I need to know I’m doing okay. If you’re a family member, do what you always do. If you’re a friend, doesn’t matter if you’re close or distant, tell me what you think. And if you’re just passing by, if you’re enjoying it, if you’re hating it, if you got anything at all to say, or even if you don’t, do please drop in a note; it gets really lonely looking at my own website otherwise.
Check back here again on the 9th of November, 3.45pm (yes, there is a reason). The retrospection will begin then.