What Really Goes On in a Dad's Mind During an Ultrasound

16 July 2013:

At our first ultrasound scan…

Me: “Can I take a photo?”
Sonologist: “Sorry, no photography or video recording allowed. We will print out a photo for you to bring home though.”
Me: “Oh.”

A few minutes later…

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Sonologist: “… and there it is.”
Me: “There what is?”
Sonologist: “There.” (Pointing at what looks like a little lump holding a flashing LED lightbulb) “That’s your baby. That flashing thing is its heartbeat.”
Me: (standing up to take a closer look) “Heartbeat? That early?” (By now the wife was 6.8 weeks into it) “It looks like a peanut.”
Sonologist: (sniggering) “That is not a peanut, sir.”
Me: “How can you tell? I mean, what if she just swallowed a peanut?”
Sonologist: “I assure you, sir. That is not a peanut. I speak from experience.”
The wife: “Yes, she has experience. And FYI, it isn’t a lentil either. So calm down.”

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And now that we know it isn’t a peanut (or a lentil), the next step is to ascertain whether it is a hamster.

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